goodbye twenty seventeen
So here we are, on the first day of 2018. My last days of 2017 were both hectic and lazy, loud and fuzzy, so this is my first opportunity to sit down and reflect on the past year. It feels almost surreal that a new year is already upon us. I seem to say this every year as I get older, as though time moves differently with age. But without further ado, here is my farewell, my heartfelt goodbye to a year that has treated me mostly with tenderness:
2017, what a year you have been. Three hundred and sixty five days. Each one different. I have laughed and I have cried, I have felt excitement and fear and disappointment. But most importantly, I look back and see that you were the beginning of a turning point. 2016 was all about stumbling and crawling out of the dark and learning to pick myself up. As for you, 2017, you allowed me the time to understand the lessons I had learnt and let them sink into my consciousness. You enabled me to grow and find a happiness I could call my own, especially during your latter half.
I still have a long way to go and will always be a work in progress but 2017, during your time I was finally able to look at myself and feel proud of who I had become. For someone who has alway been hard on herself, this is a huge step in the right direction. You made me stronger, and this internal strength feels almost palpable. Where I once would have wavered and succumbed, you rooted my feet and taught me to stand my ground, to claim the space I deserve for myself.
With this strength, came a sort of lightness. The weight that burdened my mind seemed to evaporate, in part because I chose to let go of some of the things I had carried with me for a long time. It was during your latter half, 2017, that I would wake up most mornings with a sense of renewed energy and no trace of the dread or indifference that plagued my waking hours before. This is the first year since coming to university that I’ve heard myself utter ‘I’m so happy’ so many times. The words were not spoken so as to convince myself but rather, were born of a genuine sense of the feeling that had found a home inside me.
And finally, 2017, I said I wanted to ‘live’ during your time. I talked about not wanting to merely exist and I think, for the most part, I was able to achieve this. There were periods of low spirits for sure, but they were balanced by moments when I would feel that pure thrill of being alive, as if everything around me had become brighter and sharper and within reach. Living creatively, curiously and compassionately, as well as living in the moment were all goals of mine and I was able to incorporate these into daily life. Embracing change, trying new things and noticing all the small moments of wonder.
2017, thank you for everything. I say goodbye while clutching on to fond memories and I will always be grateful that you facilitated the change within me.
And now, 2018. I’m ready for you.
Dear readers, Happy New Year! May 2018 be filled with warmth and light, and be even better and brighter than 2017. Please feel free to share how your own 2017s went and whether you were able to accomplish what you had set out to achieve.