I’m writing this on the train, as I head north towards home for the holidays. I’ve made this journey many a time since starting university but there’s always something that makes me stop what I am doing and stare out of the window. Sometimes it’s the view as we pull out of Waverley station with the castle looming over us or the expansiveness of the Firth of Forth as we cross the Forth Bridge. Other times it’s the houses in the small towns that stand defiantly close to the railway tracks, the cattle and the sheep grazing in the seemingly never-ending fields, or the way the sparseness of the countryside gives way to the creeping density of the cities. Today, it’s the warmth and stillness as the train hurtles along the coast, the glaring sun above and the glimmering sea below.
I’m coming home.
And I’m coming home to this little blog of mine too.
It’s been sitting in stagnancy for too long, gathering dust, and I’m not sure I can really offer an excuse as to why it’s taken me so long to return. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with other things in life and over time it became easier and easier to resist the pull, that longing to post something. That’s the danger I found when I distanced myself: I began to forget how it filled a part of me in ways nothing else could. But having realised this and as I try to find my way back, I feel that same warmth and stillness spreading inside. I’m travelling along the coast and the world is stretching before me.
I want to hold on to this feeling, even when I am unmotivated and especially when I am uninspired. I want to persevere and not shrink back. To keep writing, keep creating. It doesn’t have to be perfect straight away; the last thing I should do is let the fear of starting get the better of me.
So from now on I’m going to revive my neglected online ‘home’, breathe life into the half-finished drafts that lie abandoned, share my words again and re-join the wonderful blogging community. My winter break lasts for a month this year so I want to use the time purposefully: curl up with all the books I’ve been meaning to read, put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, start practising yoga again, go out when it’s light with my film camera. Unwind, take a pause and slow down, devote time to doing things for me.