word drift

a collection of musings and snippets from my life

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change: looking ahead

Change has always aroused a sort of anxiety in me, the type that makes me want to flee in retreat to my comfort zone. It’s something that often feels terrifying and unpredictable, unyielding in its capacity to force relinquishing of control and pull you along its turbulent path.

Change is coming for me in the next couple months. After summer, I won’t be returning to vet school for my fourth year. Instead, I’m undertaking an intercalated Honours degree in Literature and Medicine. I’m excited but even more so, I am incredibly apprehensive. Every time I think about it, a restlessness shudders through my body, a combination of simmering nerves and hopeful anticipation. I’m happy to be taking a year off vet school to pursue a different interest, thankful even. I know I need the break, some time away from the relentless grind of it all. To recharge and reinvigorate my waning batteries before returning for my final two years.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a vet, as cliche as that may sound. But in that time, I have also been an avid reader (I once ran a book blog) and one day I’d like to finish writing a novel. Studying a science-based degree has stifled my creativity, disengaged my imagination and limited opportunities to explore and interpret freely. My best subject in secondary school was English – one that came more easily to me – but I gave it up in favour of Pure Maths in 6th year, with the belief that this decision would strengthen my vet school application. I don’t regret my choice but a part of me wonders what I missed out on because of it.

I discovered Literature and Medicine while procrastinating during a reading week before Easter. I was in my second year, feeling lost and overwhelmed by a sadness that came in waves. It sounded like an escape, a way out from all that weighed on my shoulders. I kept the idea tucked in the back of my mind and then third year came around.  Things were better so I wanted to be sure I was applying for the right reasons. It took nights of careful consideration and discussions with the appropriate people. Ultimately I decided to go for it, filling out the application form on a dark January evening and submitting it without looking back.

When I learnt that I had been accepted in February, I’m not sure the reality of it fully sunk in. It wasn’t until two weeks ago when my courses were confirmed that it suddenly hit me: this is really happening.  This pushed me head first into an abyss of consuming nerves. Am I ready for this? Have I made the right choice? What if can’t manage? A flurry of fear and self-doubt. I’d had these thoughts before but they returned in full force, loud and overbearing.

The worries are still sitting in my head now but they have much less noise and power. I just have to remember why I decided this was for me, that I see this as a chance to expose myself to a wholly different learning experience that will broaden not only my education, but my mind and thinking. I’m grateful to be able to explore not just one, but two passions in my life and satiate my thirst for both.

I’m glad I didn’t let my fear of change hold me back, that I saw what I wanted and fought through the negativity clouding my judgement to achieve it. Perhaps it would have been easier to shrink back into my comfort zone and let this summer be another that precedes a new year of vet school. It would certainly take less courage to return to familiar grounds with familiar people to study familiar topics.  But I know it would fill me with regret to lose this chance from my grasp, that I’d look back and think what if? Where I am now is still littered with what ifs but whatever happens in the coming year at least I can say I tried, that I dared seek out change and venture into the unknown.


And I ask you this: Does change simultaneously frighten and thrill you too? And if any of you study or have studied English literature, I’d love to hear your experiences.

Much love,
Beverley x 

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7 Comments

  1. Reply 28th July, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    That’s awesome that you’ve decided to pursue both your passions. I think self doubt is normal – especially since it’s such a big decision. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life a full year after college. Which had me panicking because aren’t you supposed to know what the rest of your life looks like (career wise)? So you’re definitely not alone! Good luck on your new year! It sounds really exciting.

    I also majored in English Lit in college and I know a lot of people have issues with it because its so diverse, in terms of what can you do with it. I also feel like a lot of people looked down on me for choosing the major but I strongly believe that books help make you a stronger and better person. Having an English Lit major gives you analytical abilities and can be useful in whatever field you decide to go into.

    And like you said, better than wondering “what if’, at least you can say you tried!

  2. Reply 29th July, 2017 at 4:13 am

    Wow, good for you, girl! I am excited for you and I hope you enjoy this new program and learn more about yourself and where your passions lie. ^^” I think I felt that exact feeling you are currently feeling- excitement and nervousness- before entering business school, but one year later (with another year before graduation), I am so happy I went through that experience (there were definitely both good and bad times) and I’m looking forward to our next year- where I am more confident in the path I want to take (although still slightly confused but okay).

    I have a classmate who’s doing English LIT and Business as a dual degree and she really loves English- it’s funny because she does a lot of creative writing but she’s annoyed of business writing as we tend to want to get straight to the point and avoid the creative aspect portion, hahah.

    I wish you the best and do keep us posted!! X

    Simplee Nikkie
    ———————-
    Bloglovin’

  3. Reply 29th July, 2017 at 10:11 am

    You should be proud of yourself for following your gut feeling on literature. I hope you’re happy in your new course. It sounds really great. I’m planning to study English Lit as part of my degree, but I won’t find out until mid August whether I’ve gotten accepted or not. Please keep us updated 🙂

  4. Reply 1st August, 2017 at 1:20 pm

    I’m proud of you for choosing your passion! Indeed, experiencing change gives me anxiety. But I let my excitement overpower my fears and looking back, I think those were the most memorable times of my life. Transitions always remind me that we should enjoy whatever season we find ourselves in. 🙂 I wish you all the best! ♡♡

    http://helloannajo.blogspot.com

    1. Reply 6th September, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      I nominated you for the Sunshine Blogging Award 🙂 it’s basically a way for bloggers to recognize the blogs they enjoy reading!
      https://helloannajo.blogspot.com/2017/09/sunshine-blogger-award.html

  5. Reply 30th August, 2017 at 3:48 am

    It’s so amazing that you chose to pursue your other passion! I fear change all the time, but sometimes I remind myself that most of those changes are for good 🙂 Have a great year ahead and I hope you enjoy it!

  6. Reply 22nd September, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Good for you for making such a brave decision! Change is always scary, but we often know when it’s time to pursue it deep down, and I feel like with the most frightening moments often come the best outcomes! I wish you all the best in this great change in your life, I’m sure you’ll do well and find yourself and creativity again xx

    http://mylovelierdays.com

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